So, I made a comment on the ‘two goobers’ community of lemm.ee, moderated by Bubs.
I gave a rather cynical, but nonetheless accurate imo description of a particular comic, explaining that it showed an overly lovey dubby relationship that was likely doomed to failure.
Made some more comments explaining my reasoning, ended up getting into some arguments as two users seemed genuinely sceptical, and one of them very defensive, about the idea that CPTSD is usually caused by abusive narcissists when it isn’t caused by ongoing, severe material deprivation, such as being very poor, homeless, or living in a war zone.
As of time of writing this, my first comment was the most popular in the thread, something like 45 up, 5 down, and I have been banned from the community, almost the entire comment chain has been nuked, no explanation has been seemingly given for the deletion of any comments, unless my view or understanding of modlogs is somehow borked, though I am apparently banned (indefinitely?) for Rule 1: No Abusive Language.
I can maybe see how a few of the latter comments could veer into being interpreted as ‘abusive language’.
Maybe.
… But the entire comment chain?
The two I was arguing with used language about the same level of ‘abusive’ as myself.
They don’t appear to be banned though, just had their comments removed.
… I … don’t really care about being banned from an apparent hugbox community that has a single mod, but just from a point of … attempting some kind of professionalism, maybe Bubs could have just deleted the specific comments they found to be ‘abusive’, sent all involved a clarifying DM about that, not just jump straight to a ban?
I dunno.
I hereby submit this to the tribunal for public commentary.
Here’s the link to lemm.ee’s modlog
EDIT: It looks like a whole bunch of at least my removed comments are not even showing up in the modlog.
I… don’t know if thats because of some technical issue?
I had a bit of a tit for tat with both Ocultoconoclast and Count Regal Inkwell, and you can see their removed comments in the mod log, but my one for one responses are not even showing up as removed in the lemm.ee modlog, though they are all removed/‘deleted by moderator’ when I go through my own comment history.
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To all those who keep saying OP deserved it - did he actually break any rules? A permaban for not keeping with the culture of the comm seems somewhat excessive. Are we seriously going back to the bad days where you have to lurk for a month before you could be confident of posting and not getting banned? It should have been on the mod and sidebar rules to make clear what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, not the name of the comm.
https://lemmy.world/post/26099488
A community for wholesome memes and pics about you and the person you care about most in the world.
Whether they be your best friend, a family member, romantic partner, or anyone else (like zucchinis!), this is the perfect place for finding and sharing memes / pics that make you feel warm inside.
They can be sappy, lovey-dovey, or full of goober energy.
Jumping from “Two people being childish with each other” to “Abusive childhood codependent adulthood” just to be edgy in a comm explicitly about wholesome and sappy posts?
YDI.
Even assuming you were somehow 100% correct, that would actually be way worse - you’d be openly making mock of a stranger’s trauma.
In the other case, you were still out of bounds per the community guidelines. Maybe it was harsh to ban you outright, but maybe you hit closer to home than you realise.
The original post was a 5 panel comic, as stated, with two people in a relationship talking to each other like 5 year olds, hat ended on one of the characters saying ‘what have we come to?’ so … maybe its the comic author’s story, in some sense, but it wasn’t like a lemmy user just directly posting their own picture with an attached personal story about why it was meaningful.
But I wasn’t mocking anything.
I have known people that have been in relationships like that, I’ve known they’ve both come from shitty family situations beforehand, I’ve had each person in the relationship either ask me for advice or at least complain or commiserate with me about how their relationship devolves from the cutesy stage into the codependent stage, and then collapses into mutual resentment, massive drama and despair.
I’ve known many different couples and individuals where their relationships have played out like that.
My comments were not meant to be mocking, as I said in the other, subsequent post that is captured in the modlog pics, that I am entirely serious, that you can interpret my initial read of the comic as a PSA style warning for how to look out for relationship dynamic red flags.
I really don’t see how this can be interpreted as mockery, or being intentionally edgy for the sake of edginess, as PugJesus seems to think it was.
I am completely serious, intending to inform, not mock, not insult.
I get now that the community is literally intended to be a hugbox, but I don’t think that giving psychologically based relationship advice is abusive…
Would be neat if there was actually a rule that stated ‘this is a hugbox, be nice, don’t be negative.’
Being cold and realistic isn’t positice and cheerful… but it also isn’t abusive.
Had the post actually been a person’s personal story, obviously yes, it would have been needlessly cruel to just jump right into a completely deadpan analysis like that.
But it wasn’t. It was a comic.
Did… anyone actually go to hyperlink of the post I put into this post?
I mean, I could be wrong, but I don’t think Bubs, the only moderator and main person who posts in this community, and mainly posts Sarah Andersen quick comics… is Sarah Andersen.
I read the context. I’m not here to tell you how to feel, I’m just telling you what I see. You post on YPTB for the court of public opinion, don’t be mad when you get it 🫣
You said I did something that I did not do, respond to someone’s personal story, and you said that I was mocking, which, while that was not my intention, seems to have been interpreted as such.
Hence I felt the need to correct the factual error, and give more context to explain my intent… not sure if you are saying I intended to mock, or if what I said could be interpreted as mockery, or both.
Regardless, I do appreciate the feedback.
