Is that where you wrap it in foil and then pack it in coffee grounds?

Can you really just subpoena Musk? I thought you have to impeach or something like that when you’re dealing with the shadow president.

I think they meant that Congress are literally gathering poops from various sources to feed their shit-eating grins.

Goodbye

But at least I still have my freedom, I guess?

Guess again, shit-butt!

Use this helpful guide to determine if Trump is lying:

Yes

I even have a helpful mnemonic to remember it:

Trump’s a fucking liar

I think a reasonable defense would be to split-screen footage of MTG booing at Biden next to live footage of her still existing in office. Most likely booing herself.

Small pickle with a mushroom stuck to the end

I’m closer on the Mexican side of the country, but I’m gonna really miss having friendly neighbors. Sorry we’ve been so shitty lately to our northern and southern friends.

I saw one once in Waco while visiting someone at Baylor. Those things are fucking unsettling. Real ROUSs

This is the most perfect political cartoon I’ve ever seen. Perfect analogy, perfectly drawn. Just so beautiful in all the worst ways.

I guess if you look at it wrong enough, a tumor pressing up against your heart is growing pains

Hey, buddy? You need a tissue? Or, like… a bandaid?

I’d like to buy a vowel. “U?”

Damnit!

Don’t lie. Your dog heard the treat bag and ran off so fast that its fur momentarily stayed behind before zooming off in tow.

I switched to iPhone from Android because I was tired of Google making changes to their security and APIs that were killing my macros I’d write for my phone. I was also tired of Google sending everything good to the graveyard. Finally, I hated that Google would promise features or support for x number of years and then pull the rug out from under me (although, lack of support was usually caused by the manufacturer)

Before spending $1000 on my iPhone, I told my wife that it was a good investment because of Apple’s proven history of supporting devices with 5 years of updates; so we agreed that I’d keep this iPhone as my daily driver for 5 years because of the exuberant cost.

Well, my wish came true and here we are. I’ve got a phone that doesn’t respect my privacy, doesn’t respect my settings, has a frustrating UI/UX, and has low compatibility with most of my existing infrastructure. I gotta admit, though, my experience is far more consistent now, but not in a good way.