I’m definitely a sensitive man. Like most sensitive men, I definitely find it challenging in the “yeah, you gotta eat 50 lb of bacon, pump iron 7x a day, never smile, and always take on a challenge” world of masculinity. I mean, we’ve definitely come a long way over the last decade making emotions something men can accept, but we got a long way to go.
Most articles I read about sensitive men are mostly about hiding it, how we’re not supposed, to, and then when we do we’ll feel better, blah blah blah. But I’m already expressive. I find it challenging, from both men and women.
From men, I don’t feel like a man (I don’t mean in the sexual sense…just from a psychological sense). In men’s groups I get so tired of talking about work and (maybe) hobbies I just wanna run out of the room screaming. It’s hard to find any other men who are okay talking about their feelings. When I do (I’m not afraid to), I find no one is able to relate.
From women, I think they often want to see me as a stereotypical stoic man. So when I do express myself, I’m seen as “not manly,” which can be a turnoff, whether for romance or friendship.
So how do other sensitive men cope with expressing their feelings?
I learned to be sensitive and expensive anyway. It turns out men and women like it. I tell my friends what they mean to me. I tell people what I’m thinking or doing. The women I’m with think it’s hot. One straight up told me, “You’re in your masculine but in touch with your feminine. That’s hot.”
I’m open. I look people in the eye and hold eye contact. I exist genuinely. But it took a long time to get there
My friend, I cannot tell you how much I relate to so much of what you’ve written here. Thank you for sharing, it makes me feel better, and I hope it does for you as well, and you know that you are not alone in feeling this way.
I really personally have always had a great deal of difficulty having male friends. I am a very complex person, a very intelligent person, a very witty person, a very creative person. I’m not interested in talking about shows where people punch each other, or who kicked the ball into a thing. I find it nearly impossible to have any kind of meaningful conversation with men.
To me, talking about where you had chicken wings, and what band you saw, and what Sherry said to Tina… It’s beyond nauseating. It’s existentially dreadful. I need to talk about thoughts, feelings, perspectives, viewpoints, philosophy, hobbies, passions, art, anything other than what happened today and what direction the wind is blowing.
The way I have started to finally solve this after years of sustained effort, is to accept within myself that I’m a lovely person, and people want to be around me, but it behooves me to be selective about the people I choose to spend time with.
Basically I had to find the internal confidence to realize that it’s better to stay home and tinker with electronics and have a wonderful time, then to go out and be brought to an utter sense of ennui gossiping and braying and having overpriced pizza that was actually made frozen in a factory 2,000 mi away
I started to really push myself outside my comfort zone, join electronics hobbyist groups, 3D printing groups, walking groups, discussion groups, different groups that I’m not necessarily an expert in, but just to meet the kind of people who actually want to do things with their brains and their feelings, and not just incorporate liquid calories and pureed chicken tendies into their guts.
I feel like I do reasonably well with not giving a shit most of the time, it’s a lot easier when you have a support system of people who are cool. With that said, I really do try to hide that I’m almost crying at the end of almost any movie, even objectively terrible ones. Shit still feels embarrassing.
I enjoy the fact that people feel safe with and around me. Most men would see it as an insult and a shame on their masculinity that people automatically don’t fear you but I prefer people trusting me. I am not a cave man, maybe my ancestors were but that doesn’t mean I need to act like one. Do what makes you, you! And don’t worry about being an inflated man.
I’m sensitive and expressive, but I also have self-confidence out the wazoo. The idea that someone else might disapprove of me expressing my emotions is one that took me me thirty years to learn and even now I still don’t care about their disapproval. Oh, there’s a time and a place, sure, but if I’m watching President Bartlett give a rousing speech on The West Wing I’m gonna cry and that’s that. Anyone who disapproves of my manly tears is just wrong.
